


A Melding Of Minds

by HouseGameOfPotter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Intensity, One Shot, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Sorry but my hands kept typing, Throne Room thoughts, long ass one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 03:33:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14096283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseGameOfPotter/pseuds/HouseGameOfPotter
Summary: Rey's had a month to think on the events of the Throne Room, what ifs and maybe whens have flooded her mind. She knew loneliness, it was an old friend of hers, but even surrounded by the Resistance, she'd never felt so alone. A chance force bond after an exhausting day of exploring answers questions, and opens new ones. But one things for certain, her and Kylo Ren's relationship will never be the same again.





	A Melding Of Minds

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, 
> 
> So kicking off the new schedule we have a 7000 word Reylo fic that was originally only suppose to be 2000 but kept going and going lmao. 
> 
> Reminder of the Schedule: Sundays a new Reylo or Jonerys one shot will go up. Monday, Wednesday and Thursday new chapters of my Reylo Student Affair series will go up, Part 4 starts tomorrow! Tuesday and Fridays will be updates for The Room, my Jonerys Hogwarts AU and Saturday is my day off lol. 
> 
> This started off as a Kylo force bonds in while Rey is changing but actually became something really poignant. 
> 
> Love, Shannon
> 
> XX

Rey was annoyed. 

She’d spent her days since Crait working her body’s strength with hiking and running through the beautiful countryside of whatever planet the resistance was now hiding on. 26 hours days with only 6 hours of night from the twin suns meant plenty of time to explore the vast trees and streams near the base. 

She enjoyed the peace away from the other members of the resistance, no Jessika loudly snorting at every joke Poe made, no Poe cracking the jokes, no Finn looking at Poe like he’d never seen anything more beautiful. The best part, no Leia staring at her judgingly after she refused to take part in Resistance missions in favour of focusing on her Jedi trainings. 

It took a lot of effort for Rey to find the motivation in herself to take on the Jedi training, but she had reached the conclusion after another planet had been ransacked by the first order for it’s supplies. A peaceful one, prosperous because of raw mineral, not profiteering off of war. It was news that glummed the Resistance’ spirits but news that made them defiant in the face of the First Order’s terror. 

Loads of officers and pilots in the Resistance mumbled derogatory words about…  _ him _ , words Rey had never heard before but with the malice at which they were said with she knew them to be hurtful terms. She felt this unnecessary. Anyone with a working brain would know that yes, he may be Supreme Leader, but it wasn’t him doing the raids, it was Hux. 

_ It could be him, Rey. He doesn’t care for anyone the way you care for them, least of all you… Especially not in the way you care for him... _

So, to ignore the comments she knew they might say about her had they known she’d been having force connections with him, she had taken to stealing BB8 away from Poe and exploring the woods around the base. BB8 always looked forward to it, saying watching Rey do Jedi stuff was better than listening to Poe talk about his hair or X-wing. 

And so now, Rey furious after hearing more horrid comments at  _ his _ expense, was walking along a stream edge as BB8 rolled behind her. “Do they even realise their words are just as horrible as acts committed by the first order?”

BB8 whirred and booped. 

“Yes, words can kill someone, it just takes a lot longer” Rey countered to what BB8 was saying. “I know how words can hurt you”

She thought back to the throne room, a truth uttered that Rey did not want to believe. There was a chance he was lying, but she saw his mind, she saw his bare naked soul in this moment and reluctantly had to accept the truth. The horrible truth.

_ They were filthy junk traders. Who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert… sold you… dead… Jakku… You have no place in this story; you come from nothing. You're nothing… but not to me... _

Rey fought back hot tears as her cheeks coloured with anger and her brows itched with upset. How could he have said this? How could he think that insulting her would make her go with him? Even if he said that she meant something to him, she wasn’t born yesterday. She knew there was no care there. Rey’s anger build up in her fists, but, like a fleeting shadow, the moment passed and she felt… better, if she even could. 

BB8 whirred lowly sense Rey’s upset, but Rey pushed it to the side and slapped a smile on her face. “Come on, there’s a whole other cave I wish to explore yet, and we’ll be back at the resistance late if we don’t hurry up”

And so they walked (or rolled in BB8’s case) for hours, trawling through verdant jungle and humid springs. The planet, to Rey’s happiness, was one of lightsided plants and animals, life that was light and love and giving. She breathed it all in, soaked it into her skin. 

She reached the cave and much like the one on Ahch to, it called to her in the way the dark did. But she did not fear it, she’d realised that the dark was a part of her she could not get rid of, but she never let the fear of it control her. She controlled it and that’s what set her apart from Kylo Ren. BB8 beeped pensively, as if he was scared himself to go into the cave, but Rey rubbed his head in support and so he rolled in after her. 

It was dark and dingy, but unlike the cave on Ahch-to, it didn’t feel as heavy and vast in darksided energy. She closed her eyes and reached out with the force, no life signatures, just energy. They explored for an hour, BB8 tracking where they walked as so they did not get lost. Rey found the place interesting, it was almost like a resting station for her powers, and as the lightness outside of the cave had renewed the force within her, this place had done the same for the dark in her. 

Nothing of note happened in the cave besides this, and deciding they should head back to the base, they left. The heat was a lot to bear on this planet, it was different to the dry heat of Jakku, here it was thick and wet and disturbing. In Rey’s opinion, the water had never looked this inviting. 

“BB8, are you okay?” She asked out of kindness more than anything. Too much heat could fry the little droids circuits but the droid beeped enthusiastically to convey he was fine. Her head turned to the water of the stream as they walked along, the blue waters inviting as insects and animals drank the water and buzzed around it. 

Feeling completely like the little girl who grew up on Jakku once again, dreaming of this much green in the galaxy, she launched herself into the water with a vigour she’d not felt course her bone since she fought the red guards in Snoke’s throne room. As her body dunked into the cool stream, she was enveloped by light. The waves rushed against her skin as her entire body was cooled down. 

She was thankful of the embrace, the heat had been too much but now, she was fresh. Luckily, Rey’d left her saber in BB8 who was storing it in one of it’s little compartments. She didn’t want it getting wet as she splashed in the river. Rey’s only issue is that when she got to base, she’d have to change out of the wet clothing. Standing in the stream, BB8 was still rolling along as if he hadn’t even noticed Rey’s quick swimming trip. But he had, and he had something to say. 

“I’m lucky I didn’t fry my circuits?” Rey blinked before laughing sweetly. The droid beeped relentlessly in a pitch higher than Rey usually heard from him. “Calm down, I can go in water, BB8. We’re not made of the same stuff as droids”

It was another hour before Rey returned to the Resistance base, she was greeted by Poe who looked like he was about to turn the entire planet upside down in annoyance at the loss of his droid. Rey shrugged and mumbled something about him wanting to come. 

“Rey, we lost a day of engineering the X-wings today because you took him out on a dalliance” Poe grumbled as Finn materialized next to him. Finn’s brow was sweaty and his clothes covered in oil. He’d obviously been taking mechanical lessons from Rose who was also there in similar garb. 

“Poe, calm down your X-wing is in tip top condition” Rose sighed. Rey had never really spoken to Rose much, she was only ever around when Finn was, the two of them inseparable. However, she saw the situation for what it was, unrequited love on Rose’s part. There was only one person Finn loved, and his name rhymed with Snow. 

“BB8 doesn’t like fixing your X-wing, anyway” Rey shrugged. “After Jakku he had a taste for adventure, he wanted to come, I didn’t stop him!” She snarked. BB8 hurriedly rolled away from them all, going over to an astromech droid and starting up droid chatter. Rey squinted as she watched him, obviously not wanting to answer for himself. “Now boys, please excuse me, I need to change out of these clothes”

As Rey walked off, she heard Finn chuckle and Poe moan at him for always sticking up for his best friend. “What can I say? She’s the first person to ever show me kindness”

“I show you loads of kindness” Rey, feeling her cheeks redden, hurriedly walked to her quarters so as she did not have to hear anymore of that conversation. She was happy for them, but it was just a reminder that even with all these people around her, she still felt alone. 

_ They were filthy junk traders. Who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert… sold you… dead… Jakku… You have no place in this story; you come from nothing. You're nothing… but not to me.. _

Rey fought tears, she’d gotten good at it these days. All her waking hours were spent holding herself together in fear of the final string in her body broke and she was nothing anymore. And Kylo, the bond they shared being the worst part of Rey’s problems, while not that frequent at the moment, still popped up to torment her with promises of her death. 

Rey hoped them to be hollow, but given that he put a lightsaber through his own father it wasn’t a difficult leap for him that he’d have no problems killing her. But she still believed there was something inside him that was in need of help, that was wishing for safety. Maybe she was foolish, she certainly felt it at times, but she still hoped. She’d never give up on Ben Solo. 

When she reached her room at the resistance she thanks the stars for the quiet, no  Jessika loudly snorting at every joke Poe made, no Poe cracking jokes, no Finn looking at Poe like he’d never seen anything more beautiful. She threw her saberstaff which she had ended up not using onto her bed place and kicked her boots off near the door. 

Her mind felt tired, and so, like she’d done it without realising, the bond had opened when Rey had taken her wet top off to reveal her breast band. She still hadn’t realised when she’d unfastened her trousers and was about to lower them. 

“I wouldn’t” He spoke aloud causing Rey to screech in fear. Her arms flung themselves over her breast band and  she turned back away from him.  _ Just my luck _ , Rey thought angrily. There was seconds until he spoke again, maybe minutes, but it felt like hours. And Rey held his eyes to hers that entire time. “I didn’t look”

“Turn around” She grumbled. He did so with a huge roll of his eyes and the slowest turn around anyone had ever made. Rey, keeping her eye on him, took her breast band off and trousers with a quick and swift action. 

“You know I’ve seen girls with nothing on before, it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t interest me” Rey didn’t believe him, from her past on Jakku, all men were interested. She’d avoided it all thankfully, but some of the other scavenger girls hadn’t been so lucky. She must’ve been broadcasting this strongly because after a while, he spoke again. “You’re nothing”

“So you’ve told me” Rey grumbles, her heart aching a little as his words sting her as much as they had done in the throne room. There was another layer of hurt that came with the words this time, did he mean her naked body was nothing either? Because she would not be belittled in that way. She seethes when she finally get her fresh night clothes on and sits on the bed with a creak. “I have no place in this story, I come from nothing, blah blah blah”

“You should’ve joined me” He turned back around as he heard the bed creak to face her, his own night shirt tight across his chest as his eyes rolled over her. His face was a little red. “You should’ve taken your place next to me in this galaxy. We’re the last power and toget-”

“Did you know I was in the Falcon?” She said suddenly, as a month of questions built up inside her. The force bonds between them had not aspired to much, only a few minutes here and there. But as he was sticking around it seemed, she wanted to get everything off of her chest. “When you tried to shoot it down?”

There was an uneasy tension in the room, one that since she’d left Jakku all those months ago, she’d been used to getting. Whether it was tension in meetings with Leia or her force bond sessions with Kylo, her entire life, bar when she got to leave the base, was tension. 

She faced him now, hands on her knees as she glared at him with all the bile she could muster in her body. He looked at her too, he looked at her with slight surprise and burning intensity. She almost felt his gaze roll over her in waves, as if he was almost wanted to break her down stare by stare. 

He gulped, his adam’s apple visibly bobbing as her dry and cracked lips parted to speak the truth she’d know was coming. “Yes”

Rey felt her eyes swim instantly at the revelation. She’d not wanted to hear it, but after speaking with Leia who said she could detect Kylo’s force signature on her after the encounter in the throne room, she’d wondered if on Crait he’d felt her whizzing around in the Millenium Falcon. And now she knew the truth. 

She wasn’t sure how much the truth hurt her, she didn’t know if it was because she’d long accepted the fact that her going to him was a waste of her time or if that everything they’d experienced together in their bond on Ahch-to meant nothing to him. However she felt, it was loudly projecting and she wasn’t sorry about that. She wanted him to know how hurt she was by him not coming with her, and so, as their eyes connected, she flooded him with her feelings, wanting to make him suffer. 

“Careful, Rey” He warned, staying stony in his face, the limited light in her room illuminated his thin scar line on his face which was almost nothing now. “Anger leads to the dark side…”

“You’re going to pay for what you did, to the resistance, to the galaxy…” She bit her lip as it wobbled, her strength failing her in the face of the man she knew had light inside him. Ben Solo, he was in there and calling out to her, she could feel it. “...to me”

“Tell me Rey, what did I do to you?” He says menacingly as he strides over to where she’s sat and stands towering over her. Rey’s mind flashed back to the moment the escape pod opened and he was stood there waiting for her to turn up. They’d shared this knowing look, even something resembling a humorous exchange before the elevator. 

“You gave me hope” She said, the tears that flooded her eyes trickling down her face as her rage inside her emanated in the room. She stood up to meet him, the height difference still startling but she felt more confident in the face of her enemy. “You gave me hope and then you took it away. Ben Solo is in there, he called to me and now… I don’t have hope left… only questions and anger… But I guess I’m used to it by now”

She turned to walk by him, the clothes she’d taken off being shoved into a bin in which there was other stuff that needed to be washed. “Anger, padawan? You really are coming to the dark side…”

“Over my dead body!” She snarls back. “I know it’s a part of me, I know the darkness is there! But I don’t let it control me, it just lives in harmony with the light inside me which outweighs it”

She stands right to him once more, fuelled by anger she’d cause in her for months. But it was all a lie inside her, she cared for him. Perhaps she cared for him more than she’d ever cared for anyone. She always wondered if he was eating right, how he was coping without Snoke in his mind, with being Supreme Leader. 

Suddenly, all these worries flooded her and her shoulders relaxed. They hadn’t touched through the bond since the hand incident in which the hut was blown up by Luke, Rey was scared to, but now as their bodies were only a few inches from each other and their gazes connected, Rey felt impulsed to do so. Her hands remained by her side, however. Only one other question was on her mind... one she’d been avoiding thinking of. “The elevator… d-didn’t you feel it?”

“Feel what?” He said knowing what she meant but wanting her to say it. Rey felt bile fill her throat. His eyes flashed many emotions but once again his face remained calm. They were inches apart and had they been Finn and Poe they’d be in each other embrace by now. 

But Kylo Ren didn’t love anyone, didn’t care for anyone but himself. He wanted power and in that Elevator his mind had been made up. He was going to use her like a pawn in that Throne room whatever had happened. He’d willingly let her be tortured by Snoke while he waited for the opportune moment to strike. 

Hope had filled her, had claimed her body and soul and had come crashing down all around her when he revealed his true colours. Ben Solo was never there, he was buried too far down and only the manipulative Kylo Ren was there. 

_ You’re not alone… _

“You meant none of it” Rey felt her vision blur with the tears in her eyes collecting quickly. “You never cared, you only cared about yourself and your stupid first order! You manipulated me, you made me… I thought I…”

Rey couldn’t think on it, he could read her every thought, like she was an open book. She turned away from him, tears spilling but no sound as she refused to let the sobs take over her body. 

“Say it” He demanded, as if it was a cruel game. As if her torment made him happy, made him feel some form of twisted satisfaction. “ _ Say it _ , Rey”

“I t-thought you cared for me” It was all she could say. “The elevator, there… there was something there, between us. Your eyes, they made me feel warm inside. But now, all there is inside me is crippling loneliness” Rey laughs, it’s all she can do. A twisted man had played her in a way she’d never anticipated herself to be susceptible to.”Everyone around me, they don’t understand. Commander Dameron, all he cares about is his X-Wing and Finn, sweet Finn. All he sees is the Rey he met on Jakku, innocent, naive. They don’t understand me… but you did. You said you understood and you made me feel hope and you shattered it and now… I’m so alone”

There was a silence, as if her words had some form of effect on him. It wasn’t likely, he was a monster, he didn’t care, right? 

“You’re not alone” Rey felt her nerve endings become alight. Words he’d said to her a months ago, tricking her into a false sense of security. She needed to look at his face, she needed to see the smirk on it, the look of laughter as he enjoyed her pain. But she was scared of what she could possibly see. 

Feeling like it was inevitable, she turned and saw him stood before her. It wasn’t what she expected. He looked as he had that night, tense but curious, harsh but gentle and willing… he looked like what she imagined Ben to look like. The harshness was softening as they stared at each other. 

Rey had so many questions on the tip of her tongue, they all wanted to come gushing out but she couldn’t enunciate how she felt. One thing growing up on Jakku, she’d learnt the hard way to hide her feelings and now, she couldn’t articulate how she wanted. 

“Why didn’t you leave with me?” Was the first one she said. “Years of torment over and all for what?” 

“To do things as I wanted them to be done” He said honestly. “I don’t know what you want from me, Rey. I don’t know what you were expecting from me, but I saw you beside me, I saw us together and you walked away from it”

“No, I saw YOUR future, Ben” She used his name, the name given to him in love. She refused to call him Kylo now, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. “I saw you turn good and stand by me. I saw us, I felt it Ben and you threw it all away for an order that’s never given a damn about you!”

He’s visibly stunned by her outburst. It was what had not been said between them that had hurt them both the most. At least, she was hurting. They were a few feet apart but Rey in her frenzied panic marched to right under his nose. She jolted in her body with nervous energy. 

“Please” She begs, she’s not proud of it but she does it. She wants him to understand, she wants to understand him. “Ben, just come home”. There was silence, deep and rich as the force around them sang with excitement around them. The force wanted this, it wanted them bonded. But all it had caused Rey was pain. “Come and be with me”

“Why would I want to be with you?” He says but his voice falters, there’s no conviction in the lie he speaks and Rey knows it. 

“I’ve seen your future, your mind. I know your heart and you too feel alone” Rey, feeling like nothing is working, does something bold and drastic. Her hand reaches up and touches his face. Ben visibly shivers as her thumb rubs his cheek encouragingly. “You don’t have to be alone, I wanted you to never be alone again. I wanted you to come home with me”

Rey reaches on her tiptoes and plants the smallest and softest kiss on Ben’s lips. She’d never kissed anyone before and as soon as their mouths touched she knew why she hadn’t. Her mouth felt like fire, it danced across her skin and filled her with a feeling she could not describe. She filled it with every emotion she was feeling, love and isolation and want and hurt. Everything he’d ever made her feel she thought in her mind and poured into the kiss. 

And he visibly was crippled by this. Not only did he begin to shake as the seconds passed by and their lips didn’t part, but she could feel his every thought, piercing her body and soul as they exchanged hurt. And then it all hit her like a ton of bricks…

_ “There’s too much Darth in him, Han, I want to send him to Luke” Leia spoke behind a half closed door, young Ben’s eyes stinged with watery hurt as he looked down at the paper x-wing in his hand. He didn’t want to go to Uncle Luke’s… he wanted to fly with his father.  _

_ “Leia if we send our son away we’ll never see him again” Han warned. Ben’s heart crushed at the realisation. He’d never sit on the falcon again if he was sent away, he’d never enjoy hyperspace with Chewy. “Are you so senate-orientated that you can’t even hold onto your own son?” _

_ He hated it when they fought, it’s all he’d ever known…  _

_ The scene changed then and he was remembering something else, at Luke’s academy… His own thoughts hurting as an unknown voice spoke to him from across the galaxy… ‘I know your heart, young solo, it is weak but easily changed… your parents didn’t want you… you were too much of a burden… I can give you everything’.  _

_ “Ben, block him out, he’s using you, manipulating you! Your parents love you, they always will! But you need to concentrate if you’re going to block him out” It was Luke, a lot younger than what Rey knew of him, perhaps when Ben was still a teenager. “Your mother gave you to me so you could heal, so this voice couldn’t hurt you anymore, don’t let it be for nothing!” _

_ “I can’t, I’m not strong enough” He fell to the floor in defeat, letting the voice in.  _

_ “You are strong enough, you’re Ben Solo, the son of Leia Organa, the grandson of Anakin Skywalker, you are strong enough” Luke urged him on.  _

_ Rey felt the pain in those words and the determination from Ben to better himself. It was words he carried with him to that day, his lineage was rich and all of this… it was why he wanted the lightsaber.  _

_ The scene changed again and this time it was in Snoke’s throne room, he looked the same as he had now, bent on his knee and bowing to Snoke. Although he was wearing his mask. “Take that ridiculous thing off. Yes...there it is. You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo” _

_ Ben’s heart flinched, a memory of him and his father flying around Chandrila on the falcon came to mind. It hurt, it killed him to his core, but he wasn’t anything if not defiant, and shut the memory off. “I killed Han Solo. When the moment came, I didn't hesitate!” _

_ Snoke laughed, clear and sharp in the throne room, Rey felt for the man who was knelt before him. “And look at you. The deed split your spirit to the bone” Ben couldn’t deny this, but he was defiant all the same. “You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! YOU FAILED!!!” _

_ Ben, feeling like his soul had indeed been split to the Ben leaps up with what energy he has and stupidly attacks Snoke. Rey felt her core shake as Force Lightning enveloped Ben’s entire body. “Skywalker lives! The seed of the Jedi Order lives! As long as he does, hope lives in the galaxy” _

_ Ben ached all over, his scar that Rey had given him causing unimaginable pain inside him. And then, to add Corellian rum to his wounds, Smoke gave a final piercing jab. “I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas, you're no Vader. You're just a child in a mask” _

_ Things fizzled out and then, Rey stood there before him. The throne room again. The red guards were on the floor, Snoke was no more. Rey was looking out of the window as she saw the resistance ships, she could see herself out of the corner of his eyes. Then, she spoke his name.  _

_ He couldn’t hear her, he knew what he had to do. He had to see what he’d started through, but Rey, she needed to join him. First Order can go, the Resistance can go all of it for what he cared. But she… he cared for her in a way he’d never cared for another person… not even his love for his father, how twisted and disturbing that had become couldn’t match it.  _

_ He’d seen something, when their hands had touched after her declaration of him not being as alone as he’d always thought he was. “It's time to let old things die. Snoke...Skywalker...the Sith...the Jedi...the Rebels” He looked her in her eyes and saw something scared and weak, but so pure too. He hadn’t felt this for anyone, he hadn’t been this complete… ever. “Let it all die. Rey...I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy!” _

_ And then, like the hut he brought down when Luke had momentarily thought about killing him in the hut all that time ago, everything came crashing back to what Ben knew best, disappointment. “Don't do this, Ben. Please don't go this way” _

_ Anger flooded him as the realisation sunk in. She didn’t want to come with him, she was like the rest, she just wanted to use him. He clawed at what he could. “No, no, you're still...holding on! Let go! Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? You've just hidden it away. You know the truth. Say it.” _

_ He hadn’t meant for the words to come tumbling out, btu he wanted her to feel what he felt, to know that together they would never have to feel this way again. She weeps, her fear controlling her more than her strength. Ben didn’t feel an ounce of sorrow for her, if this was the path she was choosing to go on then so be it. “They were nobody” _

_ “They were filthy junk traders. Who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story; you come from nothing. You're nothing; but not to me” _

Rey snapped out of these memories and fell back from Ben’s lips. Those were her trigger words, a reminder of the pain she’d felt and now of the pain she’d inflicted. They stared at each other, their feelings laid out on the table in front of each other. It was sick in the way he cared, she’d never turn to the darkside, she couldn’t, but he’d wanted her by him. 

And that was it then, their mouths collided once again as wave after wave of emotion hit them both. Rey could try to fight for control over him, but the size of him meant she was unable to. His hands, ungloved due to his night clothes being on instead, held onto her jawline as it held her to him. 

He craved her, she could tell. And she craved him like she’d never had anyone else. Poe always flirted with her, but there was nothing behind it, it was just his nature and Rey hadn’t minded. Finn, he was her best friend, the first person to show her kindness. But Ben, Ben was passion and pleasure and understanding and companionship. He’d put up this front that Rey had kicked down and they were both revelling in it. 

When their lips parted slightly, Rey gave a large exhale as if she couldn’t believe it was happening. In all honesty, she still wasn’t sure what was happening.  _ I’m kissing Ben Solo _ , her brain was trying to compartmentalize all this information. Ben shook a little, as if he’d heard her thought and wasn’t too pleased with her referring to him as Ben. 

But it didn’t stop him kissing her, so much so that the intensity with which he kissed her made her fall backwards as her legs hit the bed. As she was holding onto his neck, she brought him down with her and there, she was pinned down by his large body. Their tongues danced together, hands roaming each others faces as they got lost in the moment. Colour flushed their skins and heat rose in their veins. 

Rey, feeling brave, reached for the hem of Ben’s shirt, wanting to see him again, wanting to kiss the scar she gave him as an apology. Her hand was stopped by his, who broke the kiss apart and leaned his head against hers. It was too much for him, she didn’t have to read his mind to know. He’d never let himself be so vulnerable with anyone. She felt the need to apologise. “I’m sorry, I got carried away”

“I want you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything” He announces, Rey caught off guard by the words. “I just need a minute… I wasn’t expecting this”

“You mean that twenty minutes ago when our force bond kicked in you didn’t expect to be kissing your enemy on her crappy Resistance bed?” Rey lightly chuckled, when she put it like that it sounded completely bizarre. But everything about their relationship was Bizarre. Ben smiled, and Rey thought her heart might burst. 

She’d never seen him smile before, but it was worth it all. Rey, once again rubbed her thumb across his cheek. She suddenly felt guilt for everything that happened to him in his life. “I’m sorry he tortured you” 

“Me too” He was solemn in his words. Rey could feel that his father was in his thoughts in that moment, and the air around them shifted. Rey, budged up against her wall allowing room for Kylo to lay beside her. The moment for kissing was over. “I’m more sorry I listened to him, after all he did to me”

“You didn’t hate your father” Rey stated. 

“No” Ben sighed deeply. 

“You loved him, more so than your mother” She knew, she could feel it hum in their bond. 

“Yes” He hung his head low in shame, and Rey suddenly got it. He wasn’t lost, Ben was never lost… he was scared. He thought that everything would go away if he listened to Snoke, his mind was poisoned with the dead Supreme Leader. And yet Smoke was right, the deed had killed his spirit, hurt him to his bone. 

Regret washed over Ben. Rey, lifted his chin up so their gaze would me. “Chewie told me a story, of when you was born, Han wouldn’t let anyone near you for six weeks for he was so scared of anyone hurting you. He slept by your crib every night, he watched over you during the day. Diplomats and friends of Leia’s would come by, and you would cry whenever he wasn’t around. He loved you, Ben”

“He didn’t after what I’d become” Sorrow and Pain flooded Rey’s body, the emotions he felt so raw. 

“He did, he tried to bring you home, right? Why would he if he didn’t believe his son was in there somewhere?” She kissed his forehead and leant her body on his hoping for an embrace. “He’d forgive you”

There was nothing from Ben, no movement, no sound. 

“As I forgive you” Rey uttered. 

There was a long pause, Rey waiting for some sign that he was understanding her words. Then, like a soft blanket, his arms enveloped her and he held on tightly. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness”

“Well fortunately it’s not for you to decide” Rey cooed against him. She didn’t know how long they were there for before either one of them spoke. They both reminisced of childhood stories in their minds, feeling sadness and sorrow for one another. 

Rey thought of her first time being attacked by men in Jakku, how she’d managed to wiggle away and flee to Unkar. Unkar, knowing she was one of his best scavengers, gave her a speeder to help get away from people like that quicker. It was the only kindness he’d ever shown her. 

Ben thought of when he and his knights of Ren students had trained with each other for the first time. He’d vastly outfought them all and it had been easy to see who the leader was. Smoke had ‘rewarded’ him for being the best by throwing him out the airlock and having him use the force to survive. 

Rey showed him her AT-AT that she’d lived in, the scratch marks on the wall to signify how many days she’d waited for her parents to come back. Her little pilot doll she’d had and her X-wing pilot helmet that she always pretended was hers. Her portions that made her food and her hard and cramped bed. It had been her home for 12 years, ever since her parents left. 

Ben remembered the first time he’d ever been to Naboo with his mother, she’d taken them to a hidden place, where her father and mother were married. It had been beautiful, the sun had shone brightly off of the crystal waters. The colours in Ben’s mind reminded her of the creek she’d splashed in that very day and so that came in her mind. 

“You look beautiful there” He said awkwardly. Rey felt her cheeks flush “You look… happy” 

“I was” She agreed. The small silence that followed afterwards gave Rey’s mind a chance to think of something else, but what resurfaced made her skin flush even more. It was their forcebond session when he’d been shirtless. She had always wondered if he was just getting dressed or if he’d just finished training. 

“Training” He had answered aloud. 

“That’s not embarrassing at all” Rey mumbled against Ben’s chest. “Sorry for thinking of that, feelings are new to me… these type of ones anyway”

“Me too” He assured her. 

There was another silence, this time, a distant hoot of an owl distracted her from what she wanted to say. This planet was beautiful, she’d just wished he had been there to experience it all with her. The feel of the rushing creak, the heat of the midday sun, the light that enveloped her. There was so much to discover, she just wished he could experience it with her, no backdrop of war, just the two of them. 

“What now?” She couldn’t help but ask, it was risky. They’d come to some sort of admittance about each other’s feelings and it was a dangerous thing to ask so fresh after such a revelation. So she asked again, but making it known her intention. “When can I see you, Ben?”

He breathed in deeply, as if he hadn’t a clue but needed to say something anyway. “I can’t just leave the first order” Rey felt disappointment.  _ I should’ve known. _ But he quickly corrected himself and Rey found her eyes filter into his. “If I leave, Hux takes over and a whole lot more people will suffer. Hux went behind my back over Thandria, they were innocents and a deal could’ve been worked out with them”

“You need to stay and get rid of Hux” Rey realised. 

“Not just Hux, all of it” He spoke through gritted teeth. “What was I doing? Selfish and desperate for control. But it all needs to go, the Resistance too”

Rey knew he was right, she’d had this conversation with Leia. If they ever win this war, they’d have to set up a government and disband. “And what about us?”

“If I’m not killed for war crimes…”

“You will not be! I’ll vouch for you!” She sat up in the bed they were both occupying and her hand was pressed on his chest. Rey looked at him with adoring eyes. When she’d thought on it, she’d been vouching for him all the while on the base. She showed him, she was his only supporter. 

“I still don’t know what this is between us” Ben answered her previous question. “I’d like to find out, and maybe cut my hair”

“No” Rey could work with him on many things. But this she was adamant on. She sent a very visceral image of her grabbing his hair while they kissed, one which coloured Ben’s face and not Rey’s. 

“Well you’re just full of surprises, Scavenger” He chuckled. It was a beautiful sound.  _ He’s a beautiful man _ , Rey thought suddenly. Ben, who had cupped Rey’s jaw and was about to kiss her, raised an eyebrow. 

“Your mother always calls you her handsome boy when we talk” She states, hyper aware of the skin on skin contact happening on her face. 

“Don’t talk about her when I’m about to kiss you” He demanded. 

“Who says I’ll let you do that?” Rey folded her arms and laid back down on the bed. It was a bad idea, because suddenly Ben was in the mood and so he rolled on top of her and pinned her down once again. He left a trail of kissed along the uncovered skin near her neck. 

_ I’m lying on my bed with my supposed enemy only an hour after trading insults and now he’s kissing my neck like he was made to do so, how was this supposed to happen? _

That night, a lot more than kissing happened, their clothes were discarded as their ultimate feelings poured into their caresses and touches. Rey had never felt anything make her feel so alive as the hands of Ben Solo, but she felt like a power cell that was faulty, one which gave you a zap if you touched it. 

And the combining of bodies, something she’d never experienced before on Jakku but had heard stories from the other junkers. But his body fit perfectly into hers, his shoulders shielded her and his member penetrated her inner defences. 

This was her sworn enemy, someone who a month ago she had fought on the collapsing Starkiller base after he’d taken someone important away from her. And now, he knew her like no one else had ever known her and likely ever will. Only in her dreams would this have happened. 

Ever since the throne room she’d wondered what had happened if things had gone differently, if she’d have accepted his hand or if he’d have come home with her. She wondered if they’d be doing this, or if they would’ve have done this a while ago. All Rey knew was if she’d have understood him better, if he’d have truly shown her what he felt, than all this month of inner conflict and loneliness could’ve been cured. 

But there was no point looking behind her, _ let the past die, kill it if you have to _ . It’s the only way they will become what they were meant to be, and that was the last force users and together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please Kudos and leave comments, it really encourages me to write more. I had a blast writing this and have so many more ideas in the pipline!
> 
> Shannon Xx


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